It was obvious almost from the beginning that this election was not going to end how so many of us had hoped. I feel rage not only for those who voted for… well, we all know what he is, but also rage at myself! How could I have been so stupid? How could I have gotten my hopes up? I let my guard down, and allowed myself to believe that this country was finally going to do the right thing. That people who had never before voted in the interest of others would realize that we are all part of this collective called America and we needed to fight for each other, not just our own self interests. And damn, I was spectacularly wrong.
If I’m being generous, it’s clear how I got this so wrong. I’m not unaware that I live in somewhat of a bubble (as most of us do), but I listen to and see some of what’s happening on the other side. It just all seemed so completely absurd to me, I couldn’t fathom that more than a handful of people could possibly fall for it! Afterall, they were seeing and hearing the same things that I was; a man spouting gibberish about another mans junk, saying incredibly horrible, racist things about a woman who cleaned his clock in a debate so badly that he refused to do another. A VP candidate calling women childless cat ladies and basically suggesting if we weren’t going to pop out babies on the regular that we were worthless. How could anyone really want to put those people in charge? And yet… here we are. For those who chose this, I hope that cheaper box of cereal will be worth it to you. FYI, NOTHING is going to be cheaper, but I suspect his supporters will feel it is, and perception is reality right?
In my own little bubble, I can see the grief etched on the faces of so many, feel it viscerally in the comments on stories and articles. It feels like rejection, repudiation of not only women, but black women in particular. 72,000,000+ people decided that it was ok for women to die in childbirth or miscarriages gone wrong. That babies should be born even if they are going to suffer and die within moments of their birth. That it’s ok to ruthlessly deport the people they called “essential workers” during the worst of the Covid pandemic. To force LGBTQ and trans folk back into the closet and to criminalize trans care. All of this was better than electing a highly qualified Black/South Asian woman.
Don’t get me wrong, she was absolutely NOT my first choice, and I spent a great deal of time being frustrated with the immediate rightward turn she took, her recently changed stances, her refusal to put distance between herself and the man who had so obviously aged in his 4 years in office, not to mention her lack of specificity on issues I care a great deal about. But she was a hell of a lot better than what we thought we were going to have before “the switch” and unquestionably better than the alternative.
The VP choice was stellar. A completely normal mid-western guy who believed in serving the people of his state. How crazy and utterly novel! A man who believed in feeding starving children, not vilifying them because of their poverty. A man who could easily talk about fixing cars one minute and chat with voters about the vagaries of agriculture and farming the next. Instead, we now have someone who literally wants to be a Gilead commander.
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?? That is the question so many are trying (and failing) to answer. I believe it was a great number of things, and we are doing a disservice to the candidate and to ourselves if we refuse to admit that racism and misogyny played an outsized role, but they weren’t the only reasons for this debacle.Turns out, 107 days to run against someone who has been campaigning for what feels like an eternity is probably too short of a window. Amd campaigning with literal warmongers who voted with your opponent 90% of the time just might alienate your base a wee tiny bit. The autopsy on this will likely go on for quite some time, and I suspect all the wrong lessons will be learned and applied in 2-4 years, assuming we’re even allowed to have elections then. The next question is NOW WHAT? That’s where I am at the moment. Completely stuck. Not seeing a way through or out. Unable to go backward or forward.
I haven’t posted to this blog in about 9 years, which is shocking to me. But it seems fitting that what killed my creativity in 2016 is threatening to do it again in 2024. I am fighting it with all my might, but guys, I am tired. I am tired of turning the other cheek, tired of code switching, of being the bigger person, of moving over on the sidewalk so someone else can take up that space as if they have a right to it and I do not. Tired. Tired. TIRED! I know that I am not alone in those feelings. And I know that I am essentially screaming into the void with this post, but I don’t care, because it feels good to get it out. I have spent days crying and raging, listening, reading and trying to understand what the actual hell happened. All I can do now is this.This little ole, pointless blog that reaches basically no one. This somewhat cathartic void screaming. I hope it will eventually help me find my way through the cotton candy and back to my life, my art, myself.
